The Gods Have A Sick Sense Of Humor
by VashandNaomiForever
Summary: Imhotep was thought to have been destroyed. Never to rise again. You all thought wrong, he is very much alive! Taken, he is in the body of a manikin, but just you wait O'Connell! When he finds his REAL true love, he will finish what he started...
1. Cursed Yet Again

**The Gods Have A Sick Sense Of Humor**

**Disclaimer: I do not own **_**The Mummy**_** and all rights are reserved to the creater of that movie. I do own the story I made up of it, and thats about it.**

_Cursed yet again..._

'_They thought they could kill me, Imhotep? I am very much alive, O'Connell, and when I awake from my slumber..._' His thoughts were interrupted with the staring eyes of a group of teenagers.

"Look at that thing, isn't it stupid looking?" They pointed to the manikin with the brand name jeans and hooded sweatshirt on. "His face is so creepy." Commented the female teenager in the group. "Oh! He's gonna get you Cindy!" The boys teased the young girl.

"Watch this!" Said one boy as he took his gum he had been chewing and placed it on the manikin's nose, making it look like he had a big green bugger. The group all laughed, then with their attention off of the manikin, headed off to torment something else.

'_Note to self, kill all who mocked me first, then O'Connell._' He sat there staring off into space, mind on the past and how his so called love had left him to rot. '_You were not my true love after all. This imprisonment proves it._' The gods had taken Imhotep's soul and put it into a manikin. Only his true love could bring his body back to life. It was a big joke to the gods, 'What is the likely hood of _him_ ever finding love when he is a manikin?' '_Very slim..._' Thought Imhotep as he stood in his quiet solitude. '_My body may be motionless, but my mind never stops racing._'

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"I don't know why we even keep this thing around." Came the annoyed tones of a woman looking at the not so up to date manikin.

"Oh I don't know, maybe with a little extra love and care, he'd be as good as new." Said the optimistic voice of another. Imhotep watched as the women undressed him and grabbed some other clothes to replace the old ones with. "First, lets wash him down, he looks a little dull and dusty."

"The stores going to close in 5 minutes. I don't want to work late tonight. You can do it yourself, Tia." And with that the grumpy old employee left the young girl and manikin alone.

"Don't mind her, she's not all bad." Tia said to Imhotep, taking a wet cloth and wiping away all the dust on his arms and legs. "I bet you must have been a real looker when you first came to this store." She commented, taking the cloth and wiping his face. Her eyes looked into his for a moment, a thoughtfulness about them, then placed her attention back on her job.

"So what would you like to wear today? Perhaps be a business man? Or maybe you'd like to be in the athletic department? You do seem to have a nice enough build about you." She said, looking at his body type. "That will have to do my friend." She said, taking out some basketball shorts and a matching jersey. Putting them on in no time, she stepped back and looked at her work. "Blue is a nice color on you. I think crimson would be better though..." She turned her back and walked off to find the same outfit in the color she needed.

'_Either way it does not matter, why are you even bothering with me woman?_' He thought to himself as he watched her slim figure from behind. '_At least I have something to entertain my vision with..._' his thoughts went to a vision of this mortal before him in what today's society called a bikini.

"Here we go!" She said, grabbing what she needed and coming back to the manikin.

"Hope you appreciate all the hard work I did to find just the right one." She said jokingly as she switched his old attire with the new. "Much better!" She said, admiring the look of him. "You're eyes look so much brighter and alive with this color." She stated, that thoughtful look on her features again. Shaking her head to clear her thoughts, she picked up the lightweight manikin and carried him over to the athletic department.

"Now how to place you..." She thought out loud as she sat him down and looked around the area. Finding a basket ball hoop, she placed it in just the right place and brought over the manikin. "Now lets make you look active!" She smiled as she moved his arms up to look like he was about to make a shot. "Now let me find a ball..." She said, moving away from Imhotep and searching the store up and down.

'_I don't remember anyone wasting their time on me before. This mortal must have, how do they say? No life._' Imhotep thought as he watched her coming back with a big orange ball.

"Here you go!" She said, making it so that his hands were close enough together to hold the ball just right. "Now don't miss." Tia joked as she stepped back and looked at her finished work. "That'll work!" She announced, happy with her job well done.

"See you tomorrow pal." She said as she turned away and headed over to clock out. Hearing the sound of a ball bouncing off of the floor, she stopped and turned around. "Oh great, now the ball won't stay..." She complained to herself as she walked back over to where she had set the manikin.

He was gone. "Oh god..." She began, mind becoming hysterical, "Oh god..." What the hell happened to her manikin?...This was just too creepy. She was about to just walk away and pretend she never saw him missing when she felt someone behind her.

"Woman..." Came the deep tones of a man. Tia ran away from the voice as fast as her legs could carry her. She could hear the sound of her assailant as she kept thinking in her mind she was going to die. "Please...Oh Please." She kept saying to herself as she ran into the door of security and pounded on the door. "Let me in!"

The door opened quickly as two men looked down at the very panicked face of Tia. "Someone...in the store...tried to get me." She puffed out, breath catching. The officers went past her and headed for the store she had come from. She followed closely behind as they checked for any signs of a break in. They found nothing. When they went back and looked at the security tapes, all they caught was her running and screaming, no other person following behind.

"I'm not making this up!" She began, "I heard something...and the manikin was gone, they stole the manikin!" She said, taking them over to prove to them and herself that she hadn't gone mad.

"See he's...right there." Tia could not believe her own eyes. He was just how she had placed him. Nothing was askew, even the ball was as it should be.

"It's alright miss, working these late hours can cause anyone to hear and see things. Just try not to get too carried away." They said, walking away from her.

"But I wasn't seeing things..." She said to herself, eyes locked onto the manikins. "Was I...?"

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Morning came all too soon for the stressed out Tia as she made her way into work.

"Morning Tia, how was your night?" Asked the other employee who had left her to herself the night before.

"Perfect." Tia lied, walking over to the other and clocked in. "Ready for the day?" She asked, not really caring.

"Ready as I'll ever be." Said the other, "By the way, the manager _loves_ the way you set up that manikin. It's really been getting a lot of attention lately."

"Why's that?" Tia asked, suspicious.

"I don't know, just something about it looks so real life and active. There's been more customers in here because of it." She said, looking over towards the direction of it.

"Why not have a look at it?" She asked Tia.

"Maybe during lunch break…" Tia said, not very enthusiastic about going anywhere near the manikin.

Lunch came all too soon for Tia as she made her way over to the athletic department to take in her work. People really were interested in the manikin Tia realized as she noticed how many more people they had in the store than usual. As she stood there, looking at the manikin with deep thought, she was caught off guard when a hand touched her shoulder.

"Tia!" Came the overly happy voice of her manager. "Great job with this display. In fact, I have a new job for you. I'd like you to do all the displays from now on, I'll pay you three times as much."

Tia looked up into the face of her manager, wrinkled, and slightly overweight. "Mr. Green, I'd love to, but are you sure I'm the right one for the job?" She asked, hoping he'd get it through his thick skull that she really didn't want to do it.

"Positive my dear!" He said, patting her on the shoulder, "You start tonight!" And with that he left her alone, her eyes like daggers digging into the manikin who got her into the predicament.

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Imhotep had never gotten such unwanted attention in his life. '_Just leave me alone you festering scum_' He cursed, wishing that damn woman had never bothered with him in the first place. Then again it was her who helped him take that first breath of fresh air. It was also her who had given him the chance to take his revenge on all who had ever betrayed him.

Sadly, his freedom had only last for moments for the woman had ran like hell and brought back men. What else was he to do but go back to being a manikin and watch as they search the store for him, only to find a lifeless doll and a crazy woman.

Imhotep knew she hated him for doing that to her, she might even be fearful of him. Which in some sick way only Imhotep was capable of turned him on like no other. He loved to see the fear in the raging sea which were her eyes. The way her plump, soft lips quivered as she had looked around for him. The way her whole body tensed as he had spoken his first words to her.

Oh yes, he simply loved it. Seeing her now talking with someone brought back the memory of her talking to him last night. As if he really were real. Then when he had actually come to life, she had ran away. Overhearing their conversation, he smiled mentally. '_I will see you tonight, my princess._' He thought, mentally picturing himself putting that same fear deep within her. Oh, the thought was all the sweeter. Knowing that now he was fully capable of doing just as he wished.


	2. Not again

**The Gods Have A Sick Sense Of Humor**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own _The Mummy_ and all rights are reserved to the person who created the movie. I do not own anything legally binding that would cause me to be in any legal trouble. You get the picture!:)

_Not Again..._

"I can't believe this." Complained Tia to herself as her new night shift job started. "I really hate you." She spoke towards the manikin, walking up to it and glaring. "For getting me into this mess, I'm working on you last." With a flip of her long black hair, she left that manikin to work on another.

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'_Me, last? I think not little girl!_' Imhotep thought to himself as he watched her wander off to some other manikin and began to fit the thing with new clothing. '_You will release me tonight!_' He promised as he felt a slight tingle of his body coming back to life. With in seconds, Imhotep was in all his mightiness again. Sure, he was powerless, and didn't have the sands of Egypt to command...but once he got around this little hole he was in, he'd go out and fix all that. Now he had to be charming and win the girls heart...or he could always force her to love him. That was always an option.

Imhotep quietly made his way over to the woman, hidden in the shadows again as he stood right behind her. "Princess..." He called to her as Tia stopped what she was doing and looked all around.

"Please...not again." She said, eyes bugging out as she tried to stay calm and find out if someone was really in here with her.

'_Alright, she hadn't ran off yet, this was a good sign._' Thought Imhotep as he came out of the shadows for her to see. Tia was turned around at the moment, and when she looked to her left and saw a man with dark coal eyes staring at her...well she fainted.

Imhotep cursed profoundly as he picked up the fainted Tia. "_Holy RA she's as heavy as tomb!_" He complained as he carried her over to the department with all the fluffy beds with expensive sheets and comforters on them. He threw her on the bed and cursed again as he watched her head bounce off the headboard. "_This is not my night..._" He sighed in irritation. "_Now she will never awaken!_" He growled, plopping down next to the motionless Tia and watching for any signs of rousing.

"Oh...my head." Came the words of Tia as she took her hand and rubbed the big bump on her head. "Where am I?" She asked herself as she slowly opened her eyes to see Imhotep staring at her intently. She quickly closed her eyes and began to mutter to herself that she was just dreaming, and when she opened her eyes, he'd be gone.

"_Look into my eyes, woman._" He demanded, trying his best to hold his temper and be charming like he had planed. It was becoming harder and harder to do so when he was easily irritated.

Tia heard a bunch of words that sounded like Egyptian...which was weird, the only people she remembered who could speak that dead language was Gran and Dad. Her father had tried to teach her some of it, but she could hardly remember any of what he had said. All she remembered was how to introduce herself to people. The really weird part was that she could understand what this guy was saying, as if in English.

Slowly, Tia opened her eyes and looked again at the man. Well, lets try and stay calm. Introduce yourself Tia! She thought to herself as her mind dragged back how to speak Egyptian. "_I am Princess Tia, bow down to me._" She said, not really sure if she said it right.

Imhotep laughed as he heard her speak his language. "_Little Princess, I bow to no one. But it is a pleasure to speak with you._" He added, laughing again at the remembrance of her words. '_Bow down indeed_' He thought to himself as he looked at her with interest.

Tia looked at him with confusion, wondering where he had gotten 'bow down' in her little introduction, but tried to shake it off. At least she could understand him, the thing was, that was all the Egyptian she knew. Hopefully he could grasp what she was saying.

"I can't speak your language well, so you're gonna have to deal with this language." She said, wondering if he got that.

Imhotep nodded his head, thoughtful look on his face. "_I understand your language fine, it's speaking it that is the trouble._" He said to her, trying to come up with some words he _was_ able to speak in English. "Woman, Princess." He said pointing to her.

Tia nodded her head in understanding. "What are you doing here? Are you the same person from last night?" She asked him.

Imhotep smiled at this and nodded his head. "_You were frightened then...do you fear me now_?" He asked her, leaning in closer to her face and keeping that evil grin about him.

Tia drew back a bit at this and felt some uneasiness when he smiled at her that way. As if she were a buffet and he was going to eat her up. Creepy. The only thing that kept her from really freaking out was his handsome face, it seemed to be the only thing that calmed her fears. Looking closer at his features, she gasped, "You're the manikin!" She stated, pointing at him and surprise all over her face.

"_I am very real..._" He took his mouth and bit her finger as playfully as a lover would, "_now._" He finished his sentence and gave her that mesmerizing smile. Tia just sat there, speechless. This was so totally crazy, the worst part about it was that she was getting horny for a manikin. This had to stop, sure she hadn't been good at the whole relationship thing ever, but people had to draw their lines somewhere. Tia's was manikins. She knew this man wanted something from her, it was obvious. Even now he was leaning in and whispering into her ear, taking his left hand and playing with her hair, and the right was moving over her...

"That's enough!" She yelled, coming out of her mind freezing state and pushing the guy off her and the bed. A loud thud was heard as he began to curse and hack. Tia took hold of the reins of her life and got off the bed and looked down at the pissed off manikin.

"You may be alive now, but keep that shit up, and I'll destroy you myself. Does the words, wood chipper mean anything to you?" She asked rhetorically, "If you want me as an enemy, you're doing a good job at it. But if you want me as a friend, and _only _a friend, then you better straighten up your attitude buddy, cause I'm not going to put up with this romance bullshit. From a manikin of all things!" She yelled, watching as Imhotep got up and looked down at her with silent hate.

"Got it?!" She asked, poking him in the chest with her index finger.

Imhotep gazed at her with silent amusement, this human had quite a fire about her. Alright, he would play by her games for now, but she would be his alone! Imhotep doubted he could get away with his 'charm' anymore tonight, so he nodded his head in agreement to the little woman's words.

"Good!" She said, turning around and headed over to the manikin she had been working on.

"Now it's _really_ going to take me all night to finish all these displays." She complained as Imhotep followed closely behind her. She turned around and glared at him again, "You're going to help me." She stated, pointing her finger at him again. Imhotep just looked at her with bored eyes as she handed him a manikin, fully dressed the way she wanted. "Now go place this over there!" She ordered, pointing over to the ladies undergarments department.

Grudgingly he took the manikin and placed it among the department, he was bout to go right back over to Tia, when he took in what this department was all about. "_How interesting..._" He said to himself as he looked at all the detailed work of some bras. "_It is like Satin._" He said, taking his finger and feeling the smoothness of all the bras here and there. _"But what are they for?_" He asked himself, looking now at the manikin and seeing his answer. "_How strange..._" He commented, looking around at more of them. Right away he was hooked to the panty department.

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Tia had been working like a dog, all by herself since what's-his-face left her and never came back. With all of the displays put up and done, she had one left to finish. His. She grabbed the needed material and headed over to where she had sent him, hoping she would find him.

Unfortunately, she did. What she found wasn't a pretty sight. It seemed that her new found friend was interested in women's underwear and had decided to see how good they'd fit himself. Sporting a red push up with black lace and a matching thong, Tia turned around and spoke towards him, "Are you done?"

Imhotep had been having so much fun, that he had completely forgotten his mission to seduce and win over the affections of Tia. When he heard her voice he turned to see her back. Why was she not looking at him when she spoke? Imhotep walked over to her, as if completely normal, and stood in front of her, "_What is wrong, why do you not look at me?_"

Tia kept her face up, looking him in the eyes and trying not to laugh at his attire when she said, "You aren't meant to wear those. These are for women only. I'd be glad to show you the men's if you promise never to dress like this again." She said, trying to keep her cool, but it wasn't working very well.

Imhotep looked at her with confusion, "_Does this not please you?_" He asked her, waving his hand at his skimpy garments. wondering why she was being so strange and not taking in all that he wore.

"I would prefer you wore boxers..." She said, keeping her eyes from seeing anything she might regret. Imhotep sighed as he fumbled for the clasp of his bra, having trouble he turned around for her help. Tia held back a laugh as she took off his bra and watched as he flung it over to the sale pile he had found it in. He was about to take off the thong too, but Tia stopped him, "Here, I brought you these to wear." She showed him the silky black boxers with red hearts on them. "Since you're so interested in underwear, I'd thought you'd like being a model for that display tonight.

Imhotep grabbed the boxers from her and felt the softness of them. "_These will do._" He said as he took off his thong and replaced it with his new found boxers. Tia had turned away just in time, feeling like a creep and a pervert for even being involved in this.

'Remember, he's just a manikin...A very hot manikin...A Manikin that comes to life at night...A very real manikin...' Tia shook her head from the thoughts of a hot man/manikin she would never have.

"Ready?" She asked him, turning to see how he looked in his new boxers.

"Not bad..." She said, taking in the sight of him, his strong abs and muscular thigh muscles, not to mention...

"Lets go!" She said, mind reeling as she led the way over to the men's department. "Now you sit down right here, place your hand like that. Legs wider apart. Yeah, that's great!" She said, standing back to take in Imhotep's posture.

Imhotep looked at her with slight annoyance as she began to get ready to leave.

"By the way, what's your name?" She asked him, just realizing she had never asked.

He gave a sly smirk as he replied in his deep tones, "_Imhotep._" Tia nodded her head as she took in his name...Kind of sounded familiar, but hey, whatever.

"Well, I'll see you tomorrow, Imhotep." She said as she gave him one last look, then headed out the door. "Imhotep..." She kept saying as she made her way out into the parking lot over to her car, "Isn't there a story about an Imhotep Gran use to tell us? Oh well." She said, getting into her car and driving home. Tomorrow would be another day, who knew what else life would throw at Tia.


	3. This All Seems So Familiar

**The Gods Have A Sick Sense Of Humor**

**Disclaimer: Don't own anything legally binding. All rights reserved to the creator of the movie The Mummy. **

_This All Seems So Familiar..._

Tia arrived at her little apartment to hear her telephone ring. Quickly she rushed over and picked up the receiver. "Hello?"

"Tia? It's dad, how are things going luv?" Said the voice of an older man.

"Hey dad, it's fine really. Egypt is just like everything Gran and you told me. I love it." She said, wondering why her dad was calling. Usually it was trying to convince her to come back home to jolly old England.

"I know sweetie, it's just...Your mother and I would feel so much better if you moved back home. And it's not like you have an interesting job like an archeologist or anything. You work at a mall for Christ's sake."

"Maybe I don't want to live a life full of adventure like you lot. Maybe working at a mall makes me happy and content enough. Why are you really calling Pop?" She asked, fed up with his talk of wanting her to be more like them.

"We'll, just wanted you to know, mum and I, and Gran are coming to visit you."

Tia let out an annoyed sigh, "Why?"

"We worry Tia, more than just your work life...You're old enough now that you should be settled down with _someone_ and should be thinking about a family. You don't even have a boyfriend...You're not keeping something a secret from us luv, right? You know we love you no matter what..."  
"Dad, I'm not gay. Ok? I just haven't found the right man yet, and I don't think it's your business telling me when and how I should go about finding one. We've gone over this before." She said, getting frustrated with her family again. This is the reason she left England. They just wouldn't butt out of her life. Always telling her how to do this, not to do that. Blah, blah, blah. Tia was tired from working and was losing what patience she had left.

"Alright, I get it. Anyways, we'll all be arriving in Cairo Friday afternoon. Maybe we'll surprise you at your work." He said, trying to sound cheerful at the thought.

"I'm tired dad, I'll talk to you more about this later, good bye." Tia said, mind and body both tired.

"Right. Night love." He said as Tia clicked the END button and put up the phone.

"Great...just what I needed. A family reunion." Tia headed off to bed, mind on what her family would have in store for her.

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Tia arrived at work, still a little tired from last nights work and the news about her family's upcoming visit. She just about walked into her manager who was happy and chipper as always.

"Hello Tia, great work on those manikins!" He said, patting her on the shoulder, "We're getting more attention than ever, especially in the men's underwear department. All the women are just mesmerized by that manikin of yours." He said, nodding towards where a crowd of women were standing, gazing over the manikin Tia now knew as Imhotep.

"Well, better let you run along, keep up the great work!" And with that, Tia was left alone, staring off at the group surrounding the manikin. '_That's weird, it's not like he's that cool...wonder if he has certain powers like attracting women easily or something...oh well._' She thought, turning her back on the manikin and heading off to her work station.

Throughout the day, Tia had passed by Imhotep, either showing a customer where something was located or placing back an item. Tia was making one of her trips past him again when she ran right into a customer. It had felt like hitting a brick wall, the man's chest was so rock hard. Tia had fallen to the ground from running into him, and as she looked up to see who this person was, she was surprised to see a familiar face.

"Ardeth?" Tia asked, looking at the tall young man above her. He was the grandson of the first Ardeth, named after him, yet nothing like him. He was born into the Medjai life, but refused to be a part of it as much as he was able. He had trained and gained skills and muscles just like the rest of the young men in his tribe, but that was about the only thing he had done. Ardeth was officially the first emo in his clan. With longer black hair cut in a very typical emo style, tight black pants, and decked out in wrist cuffs and rings. He truly was a breed of his own.

"Christ Tia, watch where you're goin'." He laughed, bending down and taking her hand, pulling her up on her feet easily. "How's it goin'?" He asked, watching her with smiling eyes.

Tia brushed back the hair from her eyes and smiled up at him, "Alright, really busy today." She said, getting that weird feeling in her stomach that she always got when around Ardeth.

"I can see. So when's your lunch break?" He asked, playing it cool like any guy trying to pick up a girl.

"I forgot all about lunch!" She said, feeling silly for being so caught up in her work, to have forgotten that her lunch break was just starting. "I'm on it now, want to go eat somewhere?" She asked.

"Alright." He said, taking her hand as if it was just a regular occurrence, "Lets go." And the two walked off, leaving the staring Imhotep extremely pissy.

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"_I see you have a Medjai for a friend._" Imhotep said, watching Tia work on her other displays.

"Oh, you mean Ardeth? I've known him for all my life, he's a friend of the family." She said, stopping her work and looking over at Imhotep, "Why, you jealous?" She asked, jokingly.

"_Me? Jealous of a pitiful Medjai? You make me laugh woman._" He said, giving a strangely strained laugh. He silently hoped it would not come down to fighting with the damn man over such an impudent woman...even if she was Imhotep's only ticket out of his manikin imprisonment...

"Good, because I kissed him." She said, pretending to take her attention off Imhotep and back to her work. Out of the corner of her eye she watched as Imhotep's jaw dropped to the floor and his eyes just about bugged out of his head.

"I knew it, you _are_ jealous!" She said, standing up from her work and walking over to him and gloat. "So what's the deal with you anyways? Why is it that I'm the only one you come alive to, and that I'm even able to understand a word you're saying?" She asked, serious look on her face.

'_Damn, she found me out_.' Imhotep thought as he listened to her words.

"_I know nothing of it. It must be fate."_ He stated, trying to sound charming but coming off as creepy. Giving Tia that seductive smile, he pulled her to him and leaned his face close to hers, "_Be mine Princess..._" He spoke in smooth tones as he bent his head to kiss her.

Unfortunately for Imhotep, Tia would have nothing of the sort, when he bent down to kiss her, she dug her teeth deep into his lip, making him bleed and give out a cry of pain. Releasing her from his grip, she glared up at him, "I told you to knock off that romance bullshit!" She yelled showing him her fist, "Next time you do that, I'll knock that smile right off your plastic face, kapiesh?!"

Imhotep looked at her with loathing as he felt his bloodied lip. He could not believe she had bit him! It was so animal like, so barbaric, and so completely turning him on! He licked the blood from his lips and gave a nod of his head. Winning her heart was going to be not such a easy thing after all. Hell, he had risen from the dead twice, and had almost succeeded in killing the Scorpion King and thus gaining control of the army of the dead...I guess the key word here was _almost_. It seemed Imhotep was really going to have to step up his game if he wanted out of his manikin body anytime soon. Then, an idea came to him.

"_I am sorry Tia, it has just been a long time since I have been in the company of such a beautiful woman as yourself..._" He spoke, giving her a small bow of his head, "_It appears that my manners have been forgotten. I wish to only protect and serve you._" He said, looking her straight in the eyes.

Tia looked back at him and knew what he was up to, "Quit faking, you and I both know you serve no one. Try practicing up on your lying skills, they kinda suck right now." She said, turning her back on him and walking off to go work on another manikin display.

Anger getting the best of him, Imhotep ran after her and tackled her to the ground. Sliding over the linoleum on the floor, they stopped and Imhotep flipped her onto her back so that he could see her face. Tia tried desperately to get out of his grasp, but he had her pinned down. Straddling her legs, and holding down her arms, Imhotep looked down into her face as he yelled, "_I am Imhotep and you will be mine!_" He then roughly kissed her lips, not even caring if she bit him again. She would only taste his blood in her own mouth if she did so.

Tia was angry. No, Tia was more than angry, she was Irate. As that scum of the earth Imhotep sat on her, yelled at her, then planted one on her, she...kissed him back?...What the Hell?...Was she actually?...Yep. Tia, an honest to god human, was officially kissing a manikin. A manikin who was an incredibly good kisser. A manikin who brought so much spite into her soul, and yet so much lust as well. It was an odd feeling. That feeling was only to get stranger as she felt him stop his onslaught of rough kisses and saw that he now had a very confused look upon his mug.

He continued to stare at her this way, until finally he spoke, "_You kissed me back?_" He asked, sounding unsure of himself. Tia stared at him with a look slight annoyance at him and herself.

"Yes, I did." Tia stated, straight faced now.

"_Why?_" He asked.

That was a good question, why indeed? Was it that all her kempt up lust just tumbled out of her and she couldn't hold back her body's somewhat natural attraction towards him? Who knew. So Tia shook her head in a 'I don't know' kind of way and Imhotep just sat there, looking down at her. Getting tired of the strange silence between them, Tia acted as if to get up, only to be push back down by Imhotep. This time, he pushed her down not as roughly as before.

It was now Tia's turn to have a look of confusion as he gave an actual gentle smile...well, gentle for Imhotep. "_I wasn't lying when I said you were beautiful..._" he took his hand and touched her face softly. Tia flinched, as if expecting him to hit her, and was surprised when he just caressed her cheek with his thumb.

'_Oh man, Tia. Just stop this right now. Before it's too late...He's a manikin for crying out loud!...doesn't that mean you don't need a rubber?...No! Stop it! Don't think like that!!!...But if that were true, then she wouldn't have the other worry of getting knocked up or an STD...What the Hell is wrong with me! I can't possibly be thinking..._' Tia's thoughts were cut short as he bent down again and kissed her soft and slow. Like lovers who had been together for centuries.

Tia felt her cheeks redden as she felt Imhotep's physical body getting the best of him. She felt herself shiver as his hands ran down her body. '_Oh my god!_' Her mind kept screaming as her physical being just kept going with the flow. Imhotep kept his mouth set against hers as his hand stopped. That's it, just stopped. Tia had been closing her eyes and taking in everything, not noticing the odd change in her partner in crime when she heard a strange cough from above.

'_Oh shit!_' Her mind reprimanded her as she opened her eyes to see two security guards looking down at her and a manikin getting ready to do the nasty. quickly she got up, pushing the manikin off her and smiling at the guards like nothing had happened.

"Good evening officers." She said, Barbie doll smile plastered on her face, "How can I help you?"

"Well, Joe here thought he heard strange noises..." The officer trailed off, eyes looking back over to the manikin. His companion, Joe, gave a cough as an aquward silence engulfed the group.

"As you can see, everything's fine here. Thank you for being so considerate for checking up on me." Tia said, breaking the horrid silence.

The officers nodded their heads and began to walk away, all except Joe. He stayed behind a moment and had the audacity to tell her, "If you ever want something real to cuddle up with at night, my shift over with at Three."

With a angry growl, she grabbed her manikin and walked away from the stupid security guard. Muttering things like "Do they pay you to hit on innocent women?" and giving a groan of disgust. Making her way over to the Hobby department of the store, Tia placed Imhotep by the hunting section. Dressing him in cameo and placing things such as Duck, Goose, and Elk calls around his neck, she stepped back and watched as he came back to life.

"Don't even say anything. It's been a long night, and I feel completely ridicules for having those men see us..." Tia couldn't even finish the sentence. She was so frustrated and confused, she felt tears swelling up in her eyes as she tried to calm herself down.

Imhotep stood there watching her yell at him, and felt a twinge of guilt when he saw tears in her mystical eyes. With in seconds he was holding her, feeling her go stiff as a board.

"Let me go, I'm tired and want to go home. You've cause enough confusion as it is." She said, trying to get him away from her. Grudgingly, he let her go. To his surprise, she didn't walk right out and leave him. Tia just stood there, staring at him.

"_So, am I a better Kisser than your Medjai?_" He asked, bringing Tia back from spacing out.

"I never really kissed him." She said, smiling up at Imhotep, watching as relief flooded over his face.

'_Though he did kiss me..._' She thought, wondering what Imhotep would think of that. "Well, good night." Tia said, standing up on her tip toes and pecking him on the cheek. Quickly, she raced out of there, leaving Imhotep feeling bewildered and amused at the same time.


	4. Angering The Goddess

Disclaimer: I do not own the mummy in any shape, way, or form.

Tia woke up the next day still upset at kissing that damn manikin. I mean what was she thinking? It didn't help matters at all that he was exceptionally attractive. When she arrived at work, once again everyone was amazed at her job she'd done with him. They were selling lots of hunting equipment because of it! _'This is just nonsense! I just don't get what's the big deal, I mean it's just a manikin for crying out loud!'_ she thought to herself. Then again, perhaps he had a bit of magic to him that was causing the interest. He wasn't coming to life at night without the help of _something_ that was for damn sure!

On her lunch break, Tia was visited by Ardeth and he asked if she'd like to go out for a drink at the local bar that night. Tia said sure and he told her he'd pick her up after work. This news of her date did not come with a happy response from Imhotep.

"_What do you mean, a date?_" Imhotep roared as she went about her business, fitting manikins with new clothes.

"Like I've said before, what's it to you?" Tia said.

Imhotep frowned and began to mumble something about medjai's being as worthless as a no humped camel. Tia went about her work, ignoring the little words spoken here and there from Imhotep, until they were at the swimwear section. "Your turn." Tia informed him.

Imhotep looked around at the section they were in and spotted something he liked, "_What about this?_" He asked her, picking up a crimson bikini and showing it to her.

"That's for women." Tia giggled at him.

"_You wear?_" He asked, pushing it towards her.

"No, I couldn't…" Tia shook her head.

"_You try on…please?_" He asked.

If he hadn't said that last word, Tia might have just gotten him ready and walked out. Yet in his please, she found that he was trying hard to make her like him. So with some reluctance, she decided to do as he wished. Taking the very skimpy outfit and heading to the nearest dressing room, Tia began to undress and did not notice that her perverted manikin was peeking in at her. Before she came out, Imhotep back away from her door to look innocent and smiled as Tia came out to show him the swimsuit.

Her sun kissed skin glowed and made a nice contrast against the red of the bikini. Her hourglass figure made Imhotep very happy indeed as she watched her hips swing as she walked over to him.

"So, what do you think?" Tia asked him.

"_You look like an Egyptian queen, beautiful goddess._"He told her, taking her hand and kissing it, making the surprised Tia blush.

"Thanks…" She said, looking away from his all too hungry eyes. "Well then, we should probably get you dressed and I should really get out of this before Ardeth comes to pick me up."

"_He's coming here?_" Demanded the angry Imhotep. His mind going to thoughts of clipping of something vital to the Medjai's procreation. An idea popped into the evil manikin's head, smirk filling his face as he rushed over to Tia, pulled one little string on her top and watched as it popped off her. He then turned and ran from her.

'_She can't leave without this!_' He giggled to himself as he heard Tia's angry cry throughout the store.

"Imhotep, you son of a bitch, give that back damn it!" Tia roared, running after him, her bare chest swinging with each stride she took. When suddenly a tall outline of a person was seen, she ran for him and when she got closer, she skidded to a halt, slamming into his broad chest.

Ardeth looked down at the exposed Tia with shock and surprise. "Wow, Tia, I didn't know we were having dinner and a show."

Tia quickly covered herself with her arms and turned away from him, mumbling about gouging out the eyes of a certain manikin when she found him.

"I uh…I'll be back in a sec." She coughed as she took off to where her clothes were. She found him there waiting, eyes smiling playfully at her.

'_A bit chilly in here?_' He called, teasing the top of her swimsuit out of her reach.

Tia didn't give him the time of day as she passed and headed straight into the changing booth, closing the door behind her.

"WHERE ARE MY UNDERWEAR?" She bellowed as her door swung open and she grabbed a hold of the comic manikin. "Where did you put them you dirty old man!" She roared at him, hating how he just kept smiling at her.

"_Call off your date and I'll show you_" He informed her. To this Tia attempted to shake the information out of him, which is kind of hard when he was three times heavier than her.

"I'm not going to let you win this one, Imhotep. I can date who ever I like and that's that!" She told him, knowing that she'd look less than classy with no bra on under her shirt, but at least he would not tell about the panties.

"Good night, Imhotep." She stated, grabbing her purse and wondering how in the world she was going to explain that little episode to her date.

_O_O_

Thankfully, Ardeth hadn't asked any awkward questions of her, and they had a pleasant evening at the local bar. She told him about her parents coming to see her soon, and he offered to show them around while they were here to get them off her back so much.

"Thanks, I'd really appreciate that." She told him sincerely.

"Not a problem." He'd told her, ordering two more rounds of vodka.

The date had ended at her place, they stood at her doorstep and the awkward silence induced. Tia t wasn't really sure if she should invite him in or not, it was their first date, and she did have to go to work in the morning. Then she remembered Imhotep making her look like a total weirdo in front of Ardeth. Wouldn't it just get under his skin if she slept with her friend? That did make it more worth her while to do so.

"Would you…like to come in?"

_O_O_

The next morning Tia came in happier than she had coming out last night.

"Have a nice evening?" A fellow employee commented conveniently in front of a certain manikin.

"Best night I've had in a long time." She winked as she turned her head to look directly at Imhotep. "Best sex too."

The employee looked from Tia to the manikin, wondering what was up with that, "Sheesh, don't need to know everything Tia." The other had kind of shrugged off, wondering why the long black haired woman had given the manikin such a strange look.

"Well, I'll see you around!" Tia called to the other, heading for her work station and wondering what kind of retaliation was in store for her. She knew he'd come up with something for her little comment. She'd be ready for him.

VashandNaomiForever: Well, it's been a long time but here we are. Not very long, but it's what I have so far. Things are going to be intense pretty quick between Tia and Imhotep. I'll try to get another chapter up sooner, thanks for all of you who still like this story! I really am surprised how many of you are still here. ^_^" Thanks for liking, and review some more! Maybe make some suggestions on what kind of section in the mall you'd like to see Imhotep in, and I'll try and do so!


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